Loss and grief

Grief is a normal response to loss. Loss may be a death or other things such as someone going/being away, loss of culture or identity, job or home. Can be a series of large or small losses over time. Can occur before the loss has happened (anticipatory grief)

Aboriginal communities have high levels of grief because of the many deaths from illness and injury. Deaths that are sudden, violent, or involve young people often cause worse grief reactions. People at greater risk of grief reactions there are also other stressors or worries, socially isolated, problems with depression, drug or alcohol misuse

Attention

Be sensitive to local culture. All communities are different. Aboriginal communities may follow some or all of these practices after a death

  • Deceased person’s name should not be spoken
  • Deceased person’s house is smoked, painted or vacated
  • Special rituals undertaken
  • Large numbers of people may gather for grieving and funerals
  • Certain relatives of deceased have to be silent
  • Relatives of the deceased may live outside the community to mourn. May need special clinic visits
  • In some communities ‘sorry business’ (grieving) involves self-inflicted injury (sorry cuts) and family fighting
  • Payback may be part of grieving/healing process

Do not

  • Do not interfere in ‘sorry business’ unless asked
  • Do not tell person to ‘get over it’, ‘get on with it’ or things like that

What you do

  • Good communication before and after the loss helps with grief
  • Explain that grief is normal, but time frame varies for different people and situations
  • Allow person to express their grief. Listen, be caring
  • Seeing or hearing voice or spirit of deceased person is not evidence of psychosis or mental illness unless family or cultural informant tells you it is outside normal cultural grief experience
  • Talk with people involved in sorry business about using clean tools for cutting (eg rocks, razors) to reduce risk of infection
  • Get advice from senior Aboriginal person, ATSIHP about how to behave in culturally appropriate way
  • Respect person’s own way of deciding blame and cause of death — even if very different from your own
  • Help explain health information if needed (eg from hospital, coronial reports)
  • Ask person what would help them feel better (eg smoking the clinic)
Clinical
  • Grief may result in physical symptoms including
    • Trouble concentrating
    • Trouble sleeping
    • Not feeling hungry, losing weight
    • Constipation, diarrhoea
    • Sometimes bereaved person feels pain or other symptoms where a deceased relative had their illness
  • Symptoms usually settle by themselves, don’t need medicine, talking about issue may help
  • Sleeping tablets for short period (up to 3–4 nights) may help — medical consult
  • If person remains very upset for a long time, can’t function — may be worse grief reaction OR mental health problem — see Mental health assessment and consider grief counselling
Remember
  • Look after yourself — you might also be grieving for person, or memories of an old grief might be restarted for you
  • Attending funeral of person you looked after can be a sign of respect, help you to heal
  • Talk with someone about your feelings — trusted senior worker, outside counsellor, Bush Support Services — 1800 805 391